A cough is something that you yourself cant help, but everybody else does on purpose just to torment you.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Consciousness makes you an unlimited being by giving the power of your imagination.

A plan is the transport medium which conveys a person from the station of dreams to the destination of success. Goals are the transport fees.

I'll always take an artistic endeavor over a career move.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

The secret to a happy marriage? Do whatever your wife tells you. 'Yes, dear.' And breathe.

Meanwhile myself et cetera lay quietly in the deep mud et cetera (dreaming, et cetera, of your smile eyes knees and of your Etcetera.)

I usually dive head first and am really excited about that changes.

If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are.

Use your imagination and you'll see that even the most narrow, humdrum lives are infinite in scope if you examine them with enough care.

Hitting is the most important part of the game. It is where the big money is, where much of the status is, and the fan interest.