A crowd is the only way to know if something works. Telling a friend or two doesn't matter. A crowd is what tells you what works or doesn't, so I'd rather go in front of them cold and see.

I often think about my future wife and how lax she's been about getting in touch with me.

I'm keeping in shape, you know, gotta look good for the ladies - and certain guys. Hey, I can't control who's looking. I just gotta bring the heat.

You'll get them tomorrow. You gave it a good shot. Keep your chin up.

The more you perform, the more adept you get at the nuances of navigating that communal conversation.

I belong to a gym now... well, let me rephrase that: I don't belong there at all, but I go.

The blues is a hopeful music. It helps you process something rather than avoid it. It's like mourning, in essence.

I think there comes a time in any comedian's career where they can either coast or keep growing and evolving.

Comedy takes all of life and puts it through a lens of acceptance, just by the mere act of talking about it on stage in a communal setting. It's very primal and ritualistic in that sense.

Inherent in mourning is celebration. Mourning without celebration or some form of acceptance leaves you stuck.

Comedians act every night on stage, so they have great performing chops. They especially know how to play themselves, which is how we set 'Teachers Lounge' up.

Indigence is one of those states, politicians less likely wish to manage.

Show me the contract.

Vanity of vanities, all is vanity, and there is nothing new under the sun, as Solomon said more than three thousand years ago.

Investing in early childhood nutrition is a surefire strategy. The returns are incredibly high.

I'm Presbyterian. I mean Seven Day Adventists I don't know about, I just don't know about.

The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?

In one way or another, every parent is curious what their children... what are they doing when we don't see?... What double lives are they leading? Is there something else?

From the respect paid to property flow, as from a poisoned fountain, most of the evils and vices which render this world such a dreary scene to the contemplative mind.

I work out, I go to pilates, I walk and I eat everything I can get my hands on.

Motivation is like bathing. You've got to do it every single day.