A cruise ship is a floating town of lazy people.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

There was no plan for us. We are a misspelling being erased by Death in order for the story of total chaos to continue.

Our God is a great God. Indeed, He is the God of wonders.

My goodness, I'm like a hog at a trough!

It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.

I can't say with certitude.

We passed the hash pipe and played our Doors tapes.

Know in the first place, that mankind agree in essence, as they do in limbs and senses.

I certainly didn't have a nanny.

The first instinct is love.