A duck tastes the same whether they're shot sitting or flying.

When you don't know what you're doing, it's best to do it quickly.

Most things can be fixed with duct tape and extension cords.

Through Jesus, your past is explained, your present has a purpose, and your future is secure. What more could you really want in life?

You can talk any redneck into a challenge. That’s why so many rednecks die in strange ways.

It seems a fine line between being a matador and being a rodeo clown

My parents were hoarders before hoarding was cool

I represent Jesus on this earth and he represents me in heaven.

Most people named Willie are either in prison or on the armwrestling circuit.

You can see the true heart of a man when you're out in the woods with a weapon

If you’re too busy to duck hunt or catch fish, then you’re too busy.

Humankind has turned to world into a cruel and inhospitable place. The thing that makes it all bearable is the potential for loving companionship.

Intuition is truth.

In our external world we create and attract with our beliefs, thoughts, emotions and perceptions.

I knew my value because the world seemed to be denying it, and that just made me want to prove it even more.

There have been only three epoch-making mathematicians, Archimedes, Newton, and Eisenstein.

I wish they taught green screen acting classes.

Writing has made me a better man. It has put me in contact with those fleeting moments which prove the existence.

One of the first things every press secretary assures you is, the boss has a wonderful sense of humor, because not to have a sense of humor is considered flagrantly un-American.

I don't want to be sued and cursed-out later.

Not doing more than the average is what keeps the average down.