A dugout is much superior to a conventional manufactured canoe because you can get soaking wet without bothering to capsize it.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Reality can be entered through the main door or it can be slipped into through a window, which is much more fun.

Politics I supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

Reality shows are usually created by people doing and saying stupid things.

Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.

It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience.

Mankind might be divided between multitude who hate to be kept waiting because they get bored and the happy few who rather like it because it gives them time for thought.

I think if there was anything I learned from our skipper was that it's not how you look; it's how you perform.

Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear and frustration

Jealous punks can't stop my dunks.

There's nothing like the knowledge of being hanged in the morning to concentrate the mind wonderfully.