A fixed idea is like the iron rod which sculptors put in their statues. It impales and sustains.

There are four types of men in the world: lovers, opportunists, lookers-on, and imbeciles. The happiest are the imbeciles.

I've met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.

We study ourselves three weeks, we love each other three months, we squabble three years, we tolerate each other thirty years, and then the children start all over again.

For thirty centuries, from her sacred seat the cat looked down, and crouching at her feet, beheld the race of conquering Pharaohs kneel.

The search for causes must come after the collection of facts.

The production of a work of art is determined by the material and intellectual climate in which a man lives and dies.

Amid this vast and overwhelming space and in these boundless solar archipelagoes, how small is our own sphere, and the earth, what a grain of sand!

Four varieties in society: lovers, the ambitious, observers, and fools. The fools are the happiest.

History is nothing but a problem of mechanics applied to psychology.

To have a true idea of man or of life, one must have stood himself on the brink of suicide, or on the door-sill of insanity, at least once.

Mom asked for a cupcake miracle? Well, here comes the freaking holy angel of icing, at your service. --

I relieve rappers just like Tylenol

Gluttony and surfeiting are no proper occasions for thanksgiving.

A young bride is like a plucked flower; but a guilty wife is like a flower that had been walked over.

I'm very much against the anonymity of bloggers and social media. I just hate it and I think it's really cowardly.

You know what the difference is between a dream and a goal?... A plan.

There have only been two world-class goalkeepers. One was Lev Yashin, the other was the German boy who played for Manchester City.

I've been buying the same lambrusco from Correggio [a town between Reggio-Emilia and Modena] since 1965.

Dad's Theory of Arrogance--that everyone always assumes they're the Principal Character of Desire and/or Loathing in everybody else's Broadway Play.

People keep asking me if I'll marry again. It's as if after you've had one car crash you want another.