A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.

Sure God created man before woman, but then again you always make a rough draft before creating the final masterpiece.

I think perhaps all of us go a little crazy at times.

Horror is the removal of masks.

I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my shelf.

We're all not quite as sane as we pretend to be.

So much for modern science and its wonderful discoveries that just about everything can kill you. Life is only a bedtime story before a long, long sleep.

I always carry a pistol when I go [to the New York Public Library]. Never did trust those stone lions.

The sun stands out not because it merely shines, but because it shines on everyone.

Nature alone can speak to our intelligence an imperishable language, never changing, because it remains within the bounds of eternal truth and of what is absolutely noble and beautiful.

In America, black is a country.

You can say 'stop' or 'alto' or use any other word you think will work but I've found that a large bore muzzle pointed at someone's head is pretty much the universal language.

If you will not try, you will go to your grave with your song still inside you.

The essential quality of an animal is that it seeks its own living, whereas a vegetable has its living brought to it

Divisions of the kind were fashionable at that time, and it was so easy to stifle one's need to help by deciding that help could neither be accepted nor understood.

I think people will read about anything if it's good or interesting or funny enough.

Extremes meet', as the whiting said with its tail in its mouth.

There is much to support the view that it is clothes that wear us, and not we, them.