A free press is one that prints a dictator's speech but doesn't have to.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Don't believe in miracles - depend on them.

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

When in doubt or danger, run in circles, scream and shout.

A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.

There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought

Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.

I love that I am that I love that I am!

What if it's the thereand not the herethat I long for?The wanderand not the wait, the magicin the lost feetstumbling downthe faraway streetand the way the moonnever hangsquite the same.

It appears to be a law that you cannot have a deep sympathy with both man and nature.

No poetry that I'm aware of, however bad or glorious, has ever left somebody a worse person than they were before they read it.

God cannot hear the prayers on our lips often because the desires of our heart after the world cry out to Him much more strongly and loudly than the our desires for Him.

What makes it all worthwhile is we just play for the sheer enjoyment of entertaining people and... make our families and the team we played on and the people watching, proud of what we did.

I get lots of awards for being mentally ill. Apparently, I am better at being mentally ill than almost anything else I've ever done. Seriously - I have a shelf of awards for being bipolar.

The air came laden with the fragrance it caught upon its way, and the bees, upborne upon its scented breath, hummed forth their drowsy satisfaction as they floated by.

Some men just aren't cut out for paternity. Better they should realize it before and not after they become responsible for a son.

Some men love truth so much that they seem to be in continual fear lest she should catch a cold on overexposure.