A girl offered me E at the club. 'Have you ever done E?' 'I watch E.'

I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body so you don't act out your dreams.

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.

Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.

To believe in miracles in one thing...to know what miracle you want to manifest right now, and accept it, is another.

I'm not saying he was, like, crying tears of man pain over the phone, but he sounded upset.

Our dead become the photographs and words we hang on the walls, but they also hang on the walls of our hearts, the windows of our lips, and the sobs in our voices.

An intelligent man only argues with his wife when she has lost her voice.

Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too.

I am still hopeful we can go through the season unbeaten - a frightening thought.

I thought it was safer and easier to be one my own. But I don’t think I was to be invisible anymore because-because it’s lonely, and I don’t want to be lonely. I don’t want to be alone.

Failure is never a reason not to try again.

Oh, the difficulty of fixing the attention of men on the world within them!

I don't want to kick people in the face with my music, I'm just vibing. It's a very cool vibe.