A good bachelor drinks his dessert (and sometimes the rest of his meals). A sweet tooth is a danger signal that you're getting too much exercise and not enough cocktails.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

When you know every well what to do and how to do it, your attitude determines how well you will have it done!

Are you tired of sand being kicked in your face? I promise you new muscles in days!

Put off finish as it takes a lifetime - wait until later to try to finish things - make a lot of starts.

There's something nice and safe about having money.

One hardly saves a world without ruling it.

A poor surgeon hurts one person at a time. A poor teacher hurts 130.

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.

While fortune lasts you will see your friend's face.

Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.

King Henry VIII, who said to his lawyer, Forget the alimony, I've got a better idea. Never got a dinner!