A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

I seek fun and embrace it! I am present to the many enjoyable experiences in my life. I have the courage to push the envelope of fun and infuse my life with happiness.

As dogs return to their vomit, some men return to their wives.

The English mist is always at work like a subtle painter, and London is a vast canvas prepared for the mist to work on.

Enemy occupied territory is what the world is.

I do not believe in doing for pleasure things I do not like to do.

My plan will also help reduce the cost of child care by allowing parents to fully deduct the average cost of child care spending from their taxes.

The cross is not a detour or a hurdle on the way to the kingdom, nor is it even the way to the kingdom; it is the kingdom come.

Like I said, I'm just trying to continue to improve and get better

Nine out of ten delinquents are frustrated actors.

Hell, I am young. I am free. My teeth are clean. The sun shines. To hell with everything else