A good one iron shot is about as easy to come by as an understanding wife.

If a caddie can help you, you don't know how to play golf.

Always keep in mind that if God didn't want a man to have mulligans, golf balls wouldn't come three to a sleeve.

I am among those who firmly believe that a round of golf should not take more than three and a half hours, four at most. Anything longer than that is not a round of golf, it's life in Albania.

The devoted golfer is an anguished soul who has learned a lot about putting, just as an avalanche victim has learned a lot about snow.

Laughter is the only thing that'll cut trouble down to a size where you can talk to it.

Only two things can stop Tiger — injury or a bad marriage.

Regardless of what the tour pros think, golf is a rich and varied game, and what all of us awkward fools do on weekends is what golf is truly all about.

Baseball would be a better game if more third basemen got hit in the mouth by line drivers.

Lonnie says it doesn't take long to write a song if you're stricken with a severe case of the Tennysons. He wasn't necessarily talking about a chart-climber.

Every golfer has at least 14 enemies: his clubs.

Each of us has our own unique traits, but we need them to fulfil our destiny

There are lot of things we don't want to know about the people we love.

It may look like I'm moving but I'm standing still.

Everybody deserves a fresh start every once in a while.

I love hip-hop, because you can do this like that and still be super successful! You ain't gotta hold your tongue.

I'm into grilled cheese. Grilled cheese makes me feel beautiful!

I once had the nerve to ask Picasso the question, 'What is art?' He answered, 'Art is a lie which makes us see the truth.

I wanted to, you know, get my story out in the world, which, it turns out, is a very misguided notion.

[Evolution Theory] is the motivating factor for guys like Hitler and Stalin and George Bush, by the way, who is a Satan worshipper, like we don't know that.

Show me how big your brave is.