A good reliable set of bowels is worth more to a man than any quantity of brains.

Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

Health is like money, we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it.

The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide.

Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first.

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.

Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.

The happiest time in any man's life is when he is in red-hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.

The mind is strong. It survives, even without thought. Even with everything taken away, it holds a seed—your self.

The gift of today is a sacred-blessing.

No matter how good or bad your state of living currently is, better chapters are destined to unfold in your life.

You shouldn't have to settle for rabbits if what you want is deer

I actually did use to sell shoes.

It's not a bad time to be me.

We always question the bonafides of the man who tells us unpleasant facts.

But usually I'll wake up and start writing about nine o'clock. I'll probably write for about three hours, and I'll do that over the next month and a half.