A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

The best way to discredit something is to come with a better way of doing that thing.

Never let the story beat you home.

Don’t choose to walk the well-worn path to regret.

Rock and roll just used to be for kicks, now a days it's politics.

When you have too many beers, you become like a control freak on everything.

I have a little journal that I always keep with me, and when I need to, I'll write poems and things. It really helps to clear my head.

Take prayer with you wherever you go. Say it anytime, and then focus your mind and heart on God.

Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.

Ladies, if you want a happy marriage, then do whatever your husband tells you without questioning his authority.

Pitching always beats batting — and vice-versa.