A group called the Texas Tea Party Patriots is hosting a debate next month where Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain will go head to head, while people watching that will go head to pillow.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

You have to create emptiness to fill it with success.

In this city of loveYour memories tinkle like an anklet My heart rhymes melodies to its tune And affection shines like a droplet

Remember that we are not gods who can fashion events to our desires. We are mere mortals who must learn not to contend with life but to yield to it.

It had taken skill, tact, an ability to choose friends well, and a great deal of luck... Luck was always part of it, one way or another

Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven.

Everybody is connected to everybody else, all data that can be shared will be shared: get used to it.

Without duty, life is sort of boneless; it cannot hold itself together.

I liked to explore different arts. But when I started acting, I knew this was the medium I want to be in for the rest of my life. Stories onscreen affect me the most.

There is an intrinsic linkage between socialism and economic inefficiency.