A guy who says what people who aren't thinking are thinking.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

But that night in her dream she flew high above the earth in a moonless sky. Behind her, like a falling star, sailed a silver sled.

The only power that exists is inside ourselves.

We will not know unless we begin.

There is nothing in life but refraining from hurting others and comforting those that are sad.

John, what are you doing? John, my diet soda. What are you doing?

We all do the wrong thing. And then we have to wake up the next morning and live with the fact that we have done things that are wrong.

I was getting in trouble at school. I wasn't happy. The school was very much a school that created people for commerce and it wasn't an arty school.

But I love to be outdoors. I prefer being outdoors to, you know, being inside.

Life - a sexually transmitted terminal condition.

I still miss those I loved who are no longer with me but I find I am grateful for having loved them. The gratitude has finally conquered the loss.