A hooker once told me she had a headache.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.

Knowledge becomes power when you share it.

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Bebop is the music of the future (as soon as they learn how to play it).

What did Romeo and Juliet do?” They died,” I remind her gently. “Some mix-up with the poison-

Once you make the decision that you will not fail, the heart and the body will follow.

Consumer electronics is a challenging one.

I believe in having each device secured and monitoring each device, rather than just monitoring holistically on the network, and then responding in short enough time for damage control.

The most revolutionary ideas are not sellable, but only mind-changing.

We provide both irritation and inspiration for each other- the grist for each other's pearl making.