A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

No one rules if no one obeys

Some consider me as a living Buddha. That's nonsense. That's silly. That's wrong. If they consider me a simple Buddhist monk, however, that's probably okay.

In America, Christmas is the king of all holidays. To be left out of Christmas is the ultimate minority experience.

Happiness is in the taste, and not in the things.

The reason why most women have so little sense of friendship is that this is but a cold and flat passion to those that have felt that of love.

...Nature builds up her refined and invisible architecture, with a delicacy eluding our conception, yet with a symmetry and beauty which we are never weary of admiring.

To destroy Christianity, we must first destroy the British Empire.

Developing a relationship with someone you admire, who can encourage you to reach your full potential, is something that everyone can benefit from.

What is getting older if it isn't learning more ways that you're vulnerable?

Wisdom is a dreadful thing when it brings no knowledge to its possessor.