A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Muhammad is the greatest man that history ever knew

Inside of every good person there is also something very wild.

I don't know why we aren't scoring as we're keeping clean sheets.

Just wanting to be more of an example, but letting them know also that I made mistakes when I was a kid; and I'm not expecting you to be perfect.

It's fun to be hopelessly in love. It's dangerous, but it's fun.

One of the most important reasons for North Korea continuing its nuclear ambitions is to consolidate the power to stay within the Kim Jong Il family.

When you see Charlie Chaplin, he stays funny. He doesn't become drama, and so what really seems to endure is comedy.

If your business is to grow and prosper, as a leader, you need to focus on people development.

I prefer film and that's what I think I'm gonna put my focus on.

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over, the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly], and says, "Here, you can go"