A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

It seemed to me that if the lawyers failed to do their duty, they ought to pay people for waiting upon them, instead of making them pay for it.

If I stay much longer, I think I will have fallen in love with you.

Whenever you take a step forward you are bound to disturb something.

Architecture is restricted to such a limited vocabulary. A building is either a high-rise or a perimeter block or a town house.

Having to travel so much plays havoc with your personal life.

Sometimes the greatest adversities turn out to be the greatest blessings.

Corruption is a tree, whose branches are Of an immeasurable length: they spread Ev'rywhere; and the dew that drops from thence Hath infected some chairs and stools of authority.

World is crazier and more of it than we think, Incorrigibly plural.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

When management and labor (employer and employee) both understand they are all on the same side, then each will prosper more.