A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

She had maintained her strength in the face of all this for so long that we had come to take it for granted, but she wasn't bulletproof. She might've been peculiar but she was also human,

The brief legal emancipation of Jews during the Napoleonic wars released unparalleled economic, professional, and cultural energies. It was though a high dam had suddenly been breached.

In conclusion, I invite the media to all grow a pair. And if you can't, I will lend you mine.

war is, in some not yet entirely defined sense, a self-replicating pattern of behavior, possessed of a dynamism not unlike that of living things.

A library in the middle of a community is a cross between an emergency exit, a life raft and a festival.

To me, innovations are the wheel, fire, language, movable type. There are not 3 million innovations; there are 3 million inventions

True friends never apart maybe in distance but never in heart

I support concrete and progressive immigration reform based on three primary criteria: family reunification, economic contributions, and humanitarian concerns.

Shared interests are great, but not essential. Shared emotional states are what you're after.

Everyone in the world is Christ and they are all crucified.