A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Every one belongs to every one else.

If you were mine, I would never let you go.

The anguish of death hangs over and leads the human spirit to wonder about the mysteries of existence, man's destiny, life, the world.

Acting is not about dressing up. Acting is about stripping bare. The whole essence of learning lines is to forget them so you can make them sound like you thought of them that instant.

Fragile creatures of a small blue planet, surrounded by light years of silent space.

Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand.

I did not get Botox because you wouldn't see any expression in my face. Hopefully it has paid off.

We might, either of us, be Queen of England and yet we'll always be nothing to our family.

Wow. I'm humbled and I'm honored. To be in the International Boxing Hall of Fame with so many of my friends and heroes is overwhelming.

Madonna looked amazing. I can't believe she's 89 and looks like that.