A large part of altruism, even when it is perfectly honest, is grounded upon the fact that it is uncomfortable to have unhappy people about one.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

There's always something when you're at fault, too, and that fault you must discover and learn to recognize and take the consequences of it.

The good and the beautiful is not forgotten

I’m not going anywhere near a motel with you.

One of my keys to success is a lot of pillows. I feel like a lot of pillows is important to relax each piece of your body.

I'm Elijah. You've heard of me?

When you have millions of dollars, you have millions of friends.

There is only one ball, so you need to have it.

"Foreboding" and "ominous" is what you're striving to achieve-not mention.

... rights are liable to be perverted to wrongs when we are incapable of rightly exercising them.

... I am At war 'twixt will and will not.