A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage.

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

In love there are two evils: war and peace.

Clark Gable seemed fascinating all his life because there wasn't so much information about him. Today, you're on television all the time.

Although the doctrine of innate equality of the race has been proclaimed, yet so far as woman is concerned it has been a standing falsehood.

The goal changes from the general to the individual from need to wish, from ethics to aesthetics.

My hair is naturally blonde... Just for the record. ~ Jace

Prayer is the way to destroy all fear. It is the way to banish sorrow, the way to light a torch of hope. It is the revolution that rewrites the scenario of our destiny.

The whole moon and the entire sky are reflected in one dewdrop on the grass.

If the Fed had a war on abortion like its war on poverty or war on drugs, within five years men would be having abortions!

There are few things it is more important to learn than how to live on little and be therewith content: for the less we need what is without, the more leisure have we to live within.

I get inspiration everywhere - by my friends, my family, and mostly love.