A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way to make television. It's worked for however long TV's been around.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

They're all the same-- the cop, the criminal, the defense, the prosecutor-- they all share a fundamental belief in the malleability of truth

The captains of England and Australia can barely exchange pleasantries these days without a body-language expert immediately declaiming on the angle of their handshakes.

The Fed's independence is critical.

My writing always came out of a very personal place, out of an attempt to stay sane.

Nobody that ever left their own country ever wrote anything worth printing. Not even in the newspapers.

Faust: Who holds the devil, let him hold him well, He hardly will be caught a second time.

If Dracula can’t see his reflection, how come his parting’s always neat?

This Reese's Chevrolet was downright awesome.

Ordinary men died, men of iron were taken prisoner: I only brought back with me men of bronze.

[Jesus] invoked a different kind of power: love, not coercion.