A lot of people are alive because I shed too much hair to get away with murder.

If he didn't hate me so much and he wasn't an evil supernatural being, I'd be on him like black on Cookie's toast.That woman could not make toast.

You know?” he asked.“Yes. I know what I am.”“You – you do?”“I’m a time traveler.

People in a hurry cannot think cannot grow nor can they decay. They are preserved in a state of perpetual puerility.

You can either have software quality or you can have pointer arithmetic, but you cannot have both at the same time.

You know it's important to have a Jeep in Los Angeles. That front wheel drive is crucial when it starts to snow on Rodeo Drive.

You don't remove the evil in a person by killing the person.

If an ordinary person is silent, it may be a tactical manoeuvre. If a writer is silent, he is lying.

Nobody realizes that I work 18 hours-a-day for a solid month to make that TV hour look like it's never been rehearsed!

The problem with the Tea Party is they're all ignorant hillbillies who drink moonshine and ride around on mules. And they believe in stereotypes too.

Like a tree, a woman can't carry the weight of two seasons simultaneously. In the violent struggle of trying, she'll miss every bit of joy each season promises to bring.

The candidates that can’t face Fox, can’t face al Qaeda.

That's how you know you really trust someone, I think; when you don't have to talk all the time to make sure they still like you or prove that you have interesting stuff to say.