A lot of people can find something to laugh at in my humor, I guess.

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take, or a class you can go to.

You can't fix stupid.

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.

I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.

I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.

In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!

Life might not always be as sweet as we desire for it to become, but it could come close enough if we consistently approach it with positive attitudes.

A sentimentalist is simply one who desires to have the luxury of an emotion without paying for it.

There is no resting place for an enterprise in a competitive economy.

If you text 'I love you' and the person writes back an emoji - no matter what that emoji is, they don't love you back.

. . . life is sometimes life and sometimes only a drama, and one must learn to distinguish t'other from which . . .

I'm not ready to get married, but I have a pretty great family and I'd like that too, someday.

I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining.

It was a very good experience. It wasnt just to make a movie, it was my life. I was employed at The Lord of the Rings for a year and a half.

When a picture can't make it on its own, the producers pull in a 'controversial' message - the way a couple whose marriage is falling apart decide to have a baby.

The square is to us what the cross was to the early Christians.