A lot of people think I'm retiring, but I've been telling a fib. I've been forced to leave this job because I gave $75,000 to the Clinton Foundation.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

The women in your family have never lost touch with one another. Death is a path we take to meet on the other side.

May you find the courage to live your dreams.

Basically you have to suppress your own ambitions in order to be who you need to be.

I'm a storyteller - that's the chief function of a director. And they're moving pictures, let's make 'em move!

A good friend remembers what we were and sees what we can be.

It doesn't matter who you are, it's what you do that takes you far.

Wrapt up in error is the human mind, And human bliss is ever insecure; Know we what fortune yet remains behind? Know we how long the present shall endure?

I like cinema audiences. I respect them, and I talk to them just like I would anybody I know.

Seeking the good is not primarily about rules and commandments.

Such, such were the joys When we all, girls and boys, In our youth time were seen On the Echoing Green.