A lot of the things I do are the sort of things I think are funny.

I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

I don't speak French, but I took it for five years growing up. So, if I were in a situation where I had to be, like, 'Excuse me, pineapple dog house red, what time is it library?' - no problem.

If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.

A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.

What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.

What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.

Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.

Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?

If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044.

In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.

Sometimes, in a daze, they completely dismantled the cadaver, then found themselves hard put to it to fit the pieces together again.

If we are to be truly free, that freedom will come through cooperation and tolerance with one another.

But if it be a sin to covet honour, I am the most offending soul alive.

There is scarcely any man sufficiently clever to appreciate all the evil he does.

Lonely children often have imaginary playmates but I was never lonely; rather, I was solitary, and wanted no company at all other than books and movies, and my own imagination.

Everything God does is purposeful. And since God is in each of us, each of us has a purpose.

I thought of myself as kind of an anarchist all my whole adult life, from the days when I was 15 or 16.

A lot of people are writing poems and don't realize it. They have this limited idea of how the poem should sound or what subjects it should address.

A man will work and slave in obscurity for ten years and then become famous in ten minutes.

Jeff Bodine was saying that when he gets depressed, that he cleans house.