A lot of times I make people better by getting stupid, distracting, bureaucratic stuff off their desk. That's an incredibly easy way to make a senior person more productive.

The programmers of tomorrow are the wizards of the future. You're going to look like you have magic powers compared to everybody else.

Don't ever, ever try to lie to the internet.

I've always wanted to be a giant space crab.

The programmers of tomorrow are the wizards of the future.

I'm a handsome man with a charming personality.

The easiest way to stop piracy is not by putting antipiracy technology to work. It’s by giving those people a service that’s better than what they’re receiving from the pirates.

Valve wouldn’t have gotten its start

I think Windows 8 is a catastrophe for everyone in the PC space. I think we'll lose some of the top-tier PC/OEMs, who will exit the market. I think margins will be destroyed for a bunch of people.

Steam is about creating tools for content creators and customers.

If you look at a multi-player game, it's the people who are playing the game who are often more valuable than all of the animations and models and game logic that's associated with it.

A satirist that criticizes religion is seen as a satanist.

But the proclamation, as law, either is valid, or is not valid. If it is not valid, it needs no retraction. If it is valid, it can not be retracted, any more than the dead can be brought to life.

What is memory for if not to fortify and sustain?

Like the burlesque comedian, I am abnormally fond of that precision which creates movement.

Work is not a shame. Laziness is a shame.

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

We must give the American worker the first option of ownership.

I hate libraries for the way they put stickers on things. I don't approve of folding over pages, or of writing in books. God, forget scissors - that's beyond the pale.

The secret of success is to triple your rate of failure.

Android has been managed essentially to make it a profitless prosperity. Right now, if Google is not careful, Android will be Samsung or Samsung will be Android.