A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase: if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.

Remember that the successful marriage depends on two things: (1) finding the right person and (2) being the right person.

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

If women ruled the world and we all got massages, there would be no war.

Science is the refusal to believe on the basis of hope.

I'd like to get married because I like the idea of a man being required by law to sleep with me every night.

No day is so bad that it can not be fixed by a good nap.

I'd like to have a boyfriend in prison so I'd always know where he is.

No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap.

Technology... is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other.

I’ve heard it said that a thousand mile journey to success begins with the first step. Anyone feel like taking a walk with me today?

I quickly realized that shopping on Amazon had made the idea of parking my car and going into a store feel like an outrageous imposition on my time and good nature.

Great champions have an enormous sense of pride. The people who excel are those who are driven to show the world and prove to themselves just how good they are.

Just because you're a different size doesn't mean you're sitting on the couch eating bonbons all day long watching TV.

A man may learn from his Bible to be a more thorough gentleman than if he had been brought up in all the drawing-rooms in London.

Can the life of the time be caught in an advertisement? Is that how it is, really, in the meadows of the world?

The reason I do workshops is so I can learn, and I am fortunate that I've probably gained more from the whole experience of teaching than any one participant has. It is all about asking.

as all clocks need winding, so all human brains and bodies need to be wound up by sleeping.

The mind is a powerful thing and most people don't use it properly.

What's so great about working with really funny women is that vanity comes second. Whatever makes it real and funny, they're going to go for, and it's just great.