A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious with a gold bracelet.

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.

Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.

If you lend someone 20 dollars and never see that person again, it's probably worth it.

Find happiness where you can, " she said softly. "It's not just the great big whammo things. Look for the beauty of life in the small things, and you'll be the happiest person alive.

Tears of joy are lighter than smiles of sorrow.

The Aha! experience is much more satisfying when it's preceded by the huh experience.

I'm playing golf. I ride my mountain bike. A lot. I think it's very important for me and other people my age to continue to exercise.

When I come upon a man who has a gleaming, empty, clear desktop, I am dealing with a fellow who is so far removed from the realities of his business that someone else is running it for him.

I believe that it must be the policy of the United States to support free peoples who are resisting attempted subjugation by armed minorities or by outside pressures.

I've had death threats, but I've never been fearful for my life. Although I have traveled with security since the '60s.

I've always wanted to go where the work was or where I was wanted. The idea that it can be planned is one I let go of a long time ago.

Passion is what adds so much value to life. And if you think about the things that you do, there's so much juice potential for them if you do it.

Mom and Dad had a lot to answer for, she decided. She couldn’t even be rude to evil vampires who’d caged her boyfriend and were preparing to roast him alive.