A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Government can provide opportunity. But opportunity means nothing unless people are prepared to seize it.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

A donkey appears to me like a horse translated into Dutch.

I think of someone like Mariah Carey as a singer.

Grilled cheese and tomato soup is the ultimate comfort meal.

I always thought there was at least one person in the stands who had never seen me play, and I didn't want to let him down.

Italy is a geographical expression.

I would be happy to play any roles.

I mean, teenage girls and their fathers don't have a lot in common, but when you add something like comedy into the mix, it just opens up all sorts of doors for them to bond.

If we really want to pray we must first learn to listen, for in the silence of the heart God speaks.