A man in Thailand was arrested with more than 10,000 pairs of stolen underwear. Legal experts are expecting a brief trial.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

Most important jobs of a parent: unconditional love, comfort and protection, and a solid platform and values for future success

If I'm not touring I'd just be at home, just driving - I'm kind of at a loss for how that stuff works.

Get out of the boat. Face your fears. Fail. Learn. Adjust. Try again. And watch God do more than you can imagine.

Kiss those cuffs good-bye." Lula from "Hard Eight" By Janet Evonavich

To engage with art, we have to be willing to be wrong, venture outside our psychic comfort zones, suspend disbelief, and remember that art explores and alters consciousness simultaneously.

Never give up; nothing is done overnight. Anyone who achieved anything in life always did it after many failures. Don’t give up hope.

I've stood my ground in life, alone, even against overwhelming forces with the might and money to crush me.

We must look after football and to do what it is necessary to bring to the game the best ethical values and personal behaviour.

My trademark saying is probably “VAS HAPPENIN?!”