A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.

I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.

I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped, but I drove that Peugeot for years.

I know I've got a degree. Why does that mean I have to spend my life with intellectuals? I've got a lifesaving certificate but I don't spend my evenings diving for a rubber brick with my pyjamas on.

Life's not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597.

All my friends started getting boyfriends, but I didn't want a boyfriend, I wanted a thirteen-colour biro.

On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?

I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts.

In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.

If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.

There was once a time when darkness shrouded the world, and the darkness had a queen.

In our postmodern culture which is TV dominated, image sensitive, and morally vacuous, personality is everything and character is increasingly irrelevant.

When you're that successful, things have a momentum, and at a certain point you can't really tell whether you have created the momentum or it's creating you.

I live in L.A., I go on tour all the time, I'm in New York half the year - it's very hard to be in a relationship.

Life is a luminous pause between two mysteries that are yet one.

By my count, more business leaders have failed and derailed because of arrogance than any other character flaw.

I still get really excited looking at stuff that I've seen every day for 20 years.

I would like to live to a ripe old age and raise watermelons in Wyoming.

Life comes in clusters, clusters of solitude, then a cluster when there is hardly time to breathe.

I think my desire to imagine a future for this site came out of trying to come to terms with the emotions that day aroused.