A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

Show me a fantasy novel about Chernobyl--there isn't one! Because reality is more fantastic.

For, indeed, everything about is marvelous, and wherever a man turns his gaze he sees the Godhead of the Word and is smitten with awe.

Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.

The tree of knowledge is not the tree of life! And yet can we cast out of our spirits all the good or evil poured into them by so many learned generations? Ignorance cannot be learned.

When I was sixteen, I was an absolutely romantic guy. I fell in love every week. I mean, I was in love with everybody, but unfortunately, nobody was in love with me.

I have a very low boredom threshold.

There is such seduction in a library of good books that I cannot resist the temptation to luxuriate in reading.

The typical modern has the look of the hunted.

Whoever interrupts the conversation of others to make a display of his fund of knowledge, makes notorious his own stock of ignorance.

I grew up in a loving household that taught me how to respect others and love God.