A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

I've been on the whisky diet - I've already lost three days!

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Witta feared nothing - except to be poor.

...as long as she was worrying about it, it probably wasn't going to happen. Like some sort of anxiety vaccine. Like watching a pot to make sure it never boiled.

[V]alue your dreams but . . . be wary of them also, . . . look for integrity in unusual places.

People say I'm indecisive, but I don't know about that.

Consciousness and meditation are methods where you can actually obtain GOD perception.

I used to think the years would go by in order, that you get older one year at a time. But it's not like that. It happens overnight.

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

The aggressive, energised, political, or even politicised, culturally aware music hasn't really existed [recently].

All art is immortal. For emotion for the sake of emotion is the aim of art, and emotion for the sake of action is the aim of life.

You never stop learning. You learn something new every day.