A man who envies our family is a man who needs help.

It's not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watch an appalling amount of TV.

Everybody sort of questioned why we get married on New Year's Day, and of course, the avid sports fans wouldn't come, because they had to watch the Rose Bowl or whatever that is on that day.

Science has already proven the dangers of smoking, alcohol, and Chinese food, but I can still ruin soft drinks for everyone!.

Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.

You can't create a monster, then whine when it stomps on a few buildings.

Being myself didn't work. Being someone else didn't work. Maybe I just wasn't meant to have friends.

Oh no, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican.

Do you know what it's like to be the kind of girl that boys never talk to and then suddenly, a boy talks to you?

Love greatly and live passionately.

Addiction does not cause partner abuse, and recovery from addiction does not “cure” partner abuse.

I had decided early on that if I couldn’t dress elegant, I’d dress memorable.

I could eat black walnut all the time, it's not a flavor of the week!

I've been learning martial arts since I was 8 years old.

I'm glad Carol Vorderman has left Countdown, I mean it's not like she did much. She was effectively just an autistic shelf-stacker.

Humility is not a trait I often associate with America.

Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness.

Greedy for the property of others, extravagant with his own

I don't want to be the only survivor on the island with no smoke.