A new study found that women think men holding a guitar are more attractive, even if they are not playing it. In a related story, guys with an accordion will die alone.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

Who was to know what went on in a person's heart? A wise woman kept her own counsel.

Prefiero, señor, obrar bien y fracasar, antes que triunfar con malas artes.Palabras de Neoptólemo a Odiseo, en la tragedia griega Filoctetes.

I was born with a mission and definite purpose and I must achieve my goal and fulfill my destiny on the planet earth

I write for pages, get lost in the mezzaninehidden from stages.

I suppose he'll just have to do," she amended. "You'll have to suffer in silence with your male model...I feel for you." "Oh, stop it, Molly.

This is why I hate white people. You guys try to turn everything into a racial issue.

Ego is my career. Rap music is all ego.

As the culture war rages on, Lord give us wisdom to see the difference between defending our rights and protesting our slights.

After everything he'd built, planned, fought for, fretted over, dreamed of, this was the summation of his life; one disappointing son and two suitcases.

The aid we can give each other is only incidental, lateral, and sympathetic.