A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it, we go nowhere - Carl Sagan

Be careful of fake faces, the most honest the most evil.

If women lose the right to say where and how they birth their children, then they will have lost something that's as dear to life as breathing.

Hey, I just thought of something.""What?""When we're together, we make one whole Italian.

Both sides in Syria are bad. One side is a brutal dictator, and the other includes Islamists and terrorists who are dangerous already and who would be brutal in power if given the chance.

You can't expect the institution to learn, if it doesn't accept any sense of justice.

So long as large armies go to battle, so long will the air arm remain their spearhead.

Art tells gorgeous lies that come true.

At times your unconsciousness is truer than your conscious mind

My alter egos have changed a lot over the years. When I was a child, I was a black horse called Storm. Whinnying and jumping over bamboo poles in the garden took up pretty much my entire childhood.