A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

I determined to learn to pray so that my experience conforms to the words of Jesus rather than try to make his words conform to my impoverished experience.

O masses, o masses! When will you assume the image and likeness of your avant-garde?

THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE WHILE LIES SHALL PUT YOU IN JAIL

Humility is the daughter of truth.

Writing music is just something that I was born to do.

A line comes into being. It goes out for a walk, so to speak, aimlessly for the sake of the walk.

The easier you can make it inside your head, the easier it will make things outside your head.

If you can live amid injustice without anger, you are immoral as well as unjust.

Of all manifestations of power, restraint impresses men most.

While they danced they came over them the weariness with the world, the melancholy, the pity one for the other, which is the exultation of love.