A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'

Happiness does not depend on outward circumstances, but on the state of the heart.

You must learn to end the wars in your world by ending them in your minds.

But what's in a name? We have named all of the stars and all the planets, even though they might already have names of their own. What a nerve!

Woman is in love with the devil.

In college football, fans wallow in a culture of failure. Unless you root for Miami, you sadly wait for disaster to strike your team in a manner not seen outside of Fenway Park.

No obstacles are insurmountable when God commands and we obey.

Big Money politicians do not have a new form of entitlement. They do not own our votes.

A lot of the key to Apple's succes is Designing technology in order to hide it.

Men become old, but they never become good.

True love can exist only in freedom from possession.