A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

One avoids Creolisms. Some families completely forbid Creole and mothers ridicule their children for speaking it.

The more you let God into your life, the more the Devil intensifies his work..

If we resist our passions it is more from their weakness than from our strength.

It doesn't really matter what policy you're for, so long ease gets your gut-level anger about whatever. So, you can't attack Donald Trump on policy.

The shorter the hours, the larger the income. Don't get into the habit of putting in long hours or you may be set down into a permanent subordinate position.

Wild Turkey whiskey and Philip Morris cigarettes are essential to the maintenance of human life!

You can't speak openly about everything.

It is about your outlook towards life. You can either regret or rejoice.