A power nap, is when you sleep on someone who's weaker than you

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. And this time, I will never let her go.

The author describes Speaker of the House Sam Rayburn as "seldom at ease without a gavel in his hand.

There is always something left to love. And if you ain't learned that, you ain't learned nothing.

The movies I usually do are maybe three or four weeks because they don't have a lot of money.

The pictures are everywhere. If you're open, they will find you.

Fire on anything that moves on the river.

I had rather follow you to your grave than see you owe your life to any but a regular-bred physician.

What a misfortune to be a woman! And yet, the worst misfortune is not to understand what a misfortune it is.

If you are an ignorant man, you are acting wisely; but if you have had any education, you are behaving like a fool.

Act first! The ideas will follow, and if not - well, it's progress