A priest in New York City was arrested on gun possession. These days, you better be happy that the bulge in his pocket is a .38.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

If water won't smother the blazeFather, take my tears and bestow them on the firesee if the fires will wither.

It's all mirror, mirror on the wall because beauty is power the same way money is power the same way a gun is power.

As long as you are standing, give a hand to those who have fallen.

Maybe I'd see how you could be so certain that we had no chance...at all.

"Nothing is as it seems" - This is an illusion.

Since new developments are the products of a creative mind, we must therefore stimulate and encourage that type of mind in every way possible.

There's no escape. I'm God's only man.

Women get 77 cents on the dollar that men get for the same job.

She didn't even know how dangerous the truth could be, all the tiny, shattering seeds it carried.