A promise must be about actions: no one can promise to go on feeling a certain way.

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.

Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Life is like a DVR recording. The story goes on, but you cannot see it until you fast forward through the commercials

Don't judge people too strongly.

The feeling of being 'offended' is a warning indicator that is showing you where to look within yourself for unresolved issues.

When the Goths are at the gates, forming study groups and praying for deliverance is not effective defense.

She made me feel better than I have ever felt, better than I imagined I could feel, and it scared me, it scared me to the point of paralysis.

I make a special point of working on Thanksgiving Day. I have friends I go out with but I even make it plain to them. The standard reason for Thanksgiving doesn't mean nothing to me.

My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.

You have to have a talent for having talent.

I'd rather die standing than live on my knees.