A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.

The eagle may soar; beavers build dams.

The US has not imposed democracy in Yemen, its people have.

The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.

Even pearls are dark before the whiteness of his teeth.

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.

The government is shutting down the coal industry, they say it's cheaper to draw nuclear power off the French grid and cheaper to buy coal from Colombia.

Silence is the invisibility of talking. I'd take half an argument over half a silence any day. And I'd take peace and quiet over a full-blown argument any other day, unless it's Tuesday.

We are the wreck of what we have been, and the place of our own future demise.

It's almost never the kind of person you are but the kind of job you do decides how much you get paid.

I do not think I will ever become deadened, because I live in other people's lives, I must admit there are times when it weighs medown because I can't do some of the things I want.

We make progress in society only if we stop cursing and complaining about its shortcomings and have the courage to do something about them.

It is impossible to love a second time what we have really ceased to love.

Mastery is the art of setting your foot on the path.

I just want to say thank you to everyone who watched and tuned in and loved my evil gayness.

I'm like the queen of planning and scheduling and I'm trying very hard to stop it.

I don't like to call myself a feminist writer. I say I'm a feminist, but I don't write to propagate an ism.