A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is why he made so many of them.

You need to spend time crawling alone through shadows to truly appreciate what it is to stand in the sun.

Did I hurt your feelings again? Sorry. When this is all over I'll send some flowers to your inner child.

To injure, ignore, disrespect, and violate the innocence of a child are among the greatest evils known to man.

Keep your temper. A decision made in anger is never sound.

The more you expect from a volunteer the more you get.

A man to be converted has to give up his will, his ways, and his thoughts.

If we understood what happens when we use the Word of God, we would use it oftener.

I got into science because I thought that, with inspiration and hard work, I could figure out how life works.

We sometimes imagine we want what we don't really want.