A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.

The Wrong we have Done, Thought, or Intended Will wreak its Vengeance onOur SOULS.

DEATH COMES SLOWLY LIKE ANTS TO A FALLEN FIG

Wherever the art of Medicine is loved, there is also a love of Humanity.

... and through it all and afterwards they would be together, making their own world where nothing mattered but the things they could give to one another, the loveliness, the silence, and the peace.

There is no doubt that a person's charms are less frequently a cause of love than a remark such as: 'No, this evening I shan't be free'.

Fathers need to be tough and tender...you be tough for your family, be tender with your family. You protect them, and you be a safe place.

This wasn't a position she wanted to be in. And yet . . . yet she knew that she was going to do it anyway.

Witness your thoughts. Your thoughts are attachments.

I cant believe anybody would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts.