A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

This world becomes heaven when we learn to see the beauty in and around us and enjoy them every moment.

Man needs only a small patch of earth for his pleasures, and a smaller one still to rest beneath.

And maybe that’s was her biggest crime of all. Making him fall in love with her.

I like sports, and I enjoy playing basketball and lifting weights.

I think people want love in their lives.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

I will forgive if the players cannot get it right, but not if they do not try hard.

I think the benefit of a Catholic childhood is your belief in visual symbols as transmitters of information and clues about life, whether it's the mystery of life or life in general.

God does not call those who are equipped, He equips those whom He has called.

The media tries to do what they do. You can't stop. You gotta get money.